Fucking Fuck XIX!
Shitting goddamn. Christing anus-cakes. Turd-snorting cankle-fuckers. (I find I am cheered by cussing in a ridiculous manner.) Anyway, my spouse is back at work now that the shutdown is done, which is a major relief for the entire family, but we’re all giving side-eye to the conventional wisdom that SURELY, the White House wouldn’t be foolish enough to play their losing hand a second time. When this PO(TU)S has casually floated the possibility of doing a horrendous thing (like, say, invoking emergency powers), it’s usually been a sign that he fully intends on doing it. Moons over my motherfucking hammy. posted by duffell at 5:25 AM on January 29 [ 10 favorites ] Just saw a supposed cycling advocate on Twitter describe able-bodied people who use e-assist bikes as “lazy af”. What? I cycle two kids to school in all weathers on a cargo e-bike and I’m lazy ? When I could easily jump in the car or on the bus? Fuck off. posted by EndsOfInvention at 5:32 AM on January 29 [ 19 favorites ] I have found it liberating to watch Gordon Ramsay swear on Youtube. Try and find the un-beeped-versions. It’s little like outsourcing the What The Fucks to a pro. posted by Namlit at 5:40 AM on January 29 [ 8 favorites ] Still reeling from my niece’s death. I don’t know if I’m ever not going to be reeling. My best friend’s sister had a hemorrhagic stroke and died, all in the space of a week. She was 52. It fucking sucks. My daughter’s boyfriend is being an ass and not putting forth much effort to keep their long distance relationship going, so of course my heart breaks for her. My dad still has cancer, our relationship is still incredibly, irrevocably complicated, and my mother continues to believe that I can be her sole emotional support when no, I cannot. I fucking hate my fucking job and there’s a new opportunity being dangled in front of me but the person who needs to interview me is so fucking scattered and I have to keep nudging and I hate that and I just want a new job. I actually love the cold but I am sort of dreading *this* cold that’s coming, only because I won’t be able to get outside much and enjoy the cold that I like. posted by cooker girl at 5:43 AM on January 29 [ 31 favorites ] I know this may seem minor in the grand scheme but believe me when I say: FUCK YOU, POWERPOINT. posted by wellred at 5:49 AM on January 29 [ 35 favorites ] Sorry cooker girl . That all truly fucking sucks. I hope you get the job and that you get to enjoy a little bit of the cold. If you ever want to visit Belfast come and say hi. It’s cold here most of the time! Hugs if you want em. posted by billiebee at 5:51 AM on January 29 [ 5 favorites ] My grad school applications are due on the 1st, and I am freaking the fuck out . It is so hard to concentrate on anything except them but I have real life work to do and people who need me to email them back and I also have to sleep and eat and not live in squalor and and and- agh! I also really, really don’t want to go in to work tomorrow because there’s a high of -4 predicted but I also don’t want to stay at home because I’m worried I’ll procrastinate all day reading scifi novels because I’m so burnt out I want to live on a spaceship even if aliens are attacking it. posted by Mouse Army at 6:35 AM on January 29 [ 3 favorites ] The UK ‘Government’ and Parliament, currently. posted by Wordshore at 6:40 AM on January 29 [ 11 favorites ] I’m in a phase of feeling heartily sick of all the trauma-related work I still need to do, and bitterly resenting the hundreds of hours and thousands of pounds that I’ve already ploughed into the fucking gaping canyon inside me that someone hollowed out when I was too young to realise what they were doing. I’ve bought myself a minuscule puddle of self esteem and understanding around why my childhood went the way it did with all of that time and money, and the canyon still gapes, huge and empty. I’m bored of losing hours every weekend to trauma-related meltdowns over tiny, inconsequential things that my stupid brain (that someone else went and fucked up for me!) cannot handle. I’m bored of doing endless amounts of self-care that don’t actually make me feel meaningfully better but do make me capable of intersecting with capitalism the amount I need to so that I can afford to stay miserably alive. I still believe on some deep and fundamental level that I deserved the abuse I received – the idea that my parents just were that incompetent and callous and low-empathy and unsuited to the job of raising children seems so overwhelming and hopeless that my brain clings onto the idea that it must have been my fault; that the only logical option is that I actually was so gross and wrong and disgusting and unlovable that I caused them to relate to me in ways that hurt me so badly. Because what kind of monster can’t relate to or love their own kids properly? The only thing that seems to make any sense is the idea that I must have been the monster, that it must have been my fault, that something awful and innate about me made them treat me that way and if I had just been good enough in some nebulous and intangible way they’d actually have been able to treat me right. And then I get stuck in that thought loop and feel totally overwhelmed, like my own gross unloveable disgustingness is an actual tangible sticky substance all over me like the remnants of a thick brown amniotic sac (the kind the Uruk-Hai burst out of in the Lord of the Rings movies, specifically), and no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try and how good and moral and fucking virtuous a life I try to live, I will never be able to scrub that innate grossness off my skin and it feels like it’s suffocate me. I’m just so tired of trying so hard and always feeling shitty anyway. I have not had even a fraction of pleasure or enjoyment out of this life comparable to the hefty dose of misery that my upbringing left me with, even though I have a ton of privilege in so many other ways and I feel gross and guilty about feeling this way. At this rate I feel my tombstone should read, “I tried, and tried, and it still sucked and still wasn’t worth it”. I mean, I’m going to keep trying, because the other option would inflict a ton of further trauma on people I love and I’m not willing to do that. But trying sucks, and I get so little joy out of being alive that it just feels like constant pain and work, and I hate it. My life is not completely terrible, and a lot of things are going right at the moment; it would just be great if I could enjoy them rather than having a ton of mental scaffolding that even after years of therapy basically won’t ever let me have a nice time. I’ve been out of the house of abuse for more than a decade, and the more-abusive of my two parents has been dead nearly half that time, and I still live inside the prison that they built for me, and it sucks in here and I have no idea how much more fucking trying I am supposed to do before I finally get to burst free and fly away. (Or, as John Darnielle put it: Sometimes a great wave of forgetfulness Rises up and blesses me And other times the sickness howls And I despair of any remedy ) posted by terretu at 6:40 AM on January 29 [ 29 favorites ] I’m halfway through a really crazy time in my life and there’s a serious inflection point at the end of May and I’m under tremendous pressure. In 2016 I decided to re-skill into computer science. I quit my job managing a restaurant and took a job at UPenn in order to get tuition benefits. I’ve been full-time doing a BA in Cognitive Science: Computation and Cognition while working full-time as a business administrator for a clinical department. At the end of this semester, I apply for submatriculation into the School of Engineering for a masters in computer and information tech. I’ve been doing well in my classes (yay 35 years old in university) but I really really really need to get straight As again this semester in order to make my grad school app the best it can be, and this semester is my most difficult yet with all quant classes. Plus my job is a full 40+ hours a week. I’m working 6 days right now, “sneaking” into my office on Saturdays after the gym to stay on top of everything. It just feels like I’m sprinting so hard. I know it will be worth it but the pressure is immense. Fucking fuck. posted by lazaruslong at 6:47 AM on January 29 [ 15 favorites ] Ah, fucking fuck terretu. I’m currently in a spot in my therapy for some similar bizness where I don’t feel like crap all the time and I wish I could share it with you. posted by wellred at 6:52 AM on January 29 [ 5 favorites ] Oh terretu, if it helps in any way, I have one billion zillion hugs for you. I am so sorry that you are trapped in such a nightmare through no fault of your own. posted by Bella Donna at 7:28 AM on January 29 [ 6 favorites ] I’m going to turn 50 this year. There’s nothing like dealing with the fact that no one wants to date you, ever, AND that your mom is 78 and starting to slow down. She’s always been intense, and THANK YOU METAFILTER I’ve always been able to set good boundaries. But now, as she gets tired more easily and rants about how her great American novel is most definitely going to be published next year, I can only look at her sadly and go home to an empty house and eat Doritos. Just the other day, she said, “I’d like you to read ten pages of the book.” Since she keeps rewriting the same ten pages year after year, I finally said “I will not read it until you’ve written 50 pages.” (Still in the same voice she’s used on me since I was born) “Well, I need to know if I’m going in the right direction, so I need you to read ten pages.””Well, then you need to figure out on your own if you’re going in the right direction, that’s part of the writing process.” And the hurt in her eyes as she then said “okay” just stabbed me. It shouldn’t, because we’re both grown-ass adults, but it did anyway, and I should be grateful that at her age she’s writing books and not staring at game shows and bitching about her health, but … well, goddamn it, I’m pretty miserable myself, an online guy just asked if I like being tickled, and I need some support too. Maybe I’ll look into support groups. *Googles* Hmmm, all the support groups for caregivers are focused on those where family members who need to vent after wiping butts. I wonder if there are support groups that are more mild in temperament. Time for another Ask Me! You guys have no idea how you’ve saved me over the years. posted by sockerpup at 8:21 AM on January 29 [ 14 favorites ] The midwest is fucking cold posted by fluttering hellfire at 8:42 AM on January 29 [ 13 favorites ] Because what kind of monster can’t relate to or love their own kids properly? terretu, I wish there was something I could do or say to help you, but this jumped out at me, and while it’s not good news at all, the answer is that there are all kinds of parents out there that are either unable or unwilling to relate to or love their children. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your parents were their own people, and when they had you, they had a responsibility to you, and whatever it was that left you feeling like you do is a clear sign they failed to meet that responsibility, and oh lord, I wish I could help you see that it’s not on you that they didn’t meet that responsibility. I’m sure that there are lucky people out there that thrived because of wonderful upbringings, but there are just as many of us still here, surviving in spite of the failings of our parents. I know your journey towards recovering isn’t necessarily going to be boosted by this random comment from an internet stranger, but I hope for the best for you. posted by Ghidorah at 9:00 AM on January 29 [ 8 favorites ] Posting from the dentist chair while having my first ever cavity fixed. Made it to middle-age so a pretty good run but man is this a seriously unpleasant experience.I don’t know how people do it all the time. And while I am grateful to be able to afford dental care, with what this is costing me, it makes me wonder why I’m paying for dental “insurance”. posted by madajb at 11:08 AM on January 29 I’m in the “I will never get laid again, and also I’ll die alone” phase of my breakup. Progress? It’s sort of an improvement over the “abandon all hope” phase. I’m about to give notice at my retail job. I really like working there (in some ways the best job I’ve ever had, honestly), but it’s not something I can keep doing. I’ve only been there for three months, and it’s not like I should make retail part of my long-term planning, but it would have been nice to be there longer. It’s the kind of cool retail job that impresses people, so it’s also just sort of disappointing to lose this minor hipster cred. This has been the most stressful and difficult week of my life. My entire life, as I’ve known it for the past 7+ years, is changing dramatically all at once. posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 11:55 AM on January 29 [ 3 favorites ] M I G R A I N E my health insurance is running out 4 months earlier than i expected so i will not in fact be able to finish repairing my spine this is fine it’s great it’s super i definitely will not commit war crimes posted by poffin boffin at 12:10 Seriously, fuck Howard Shultz. posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:23 PM on January 29 [ 11 favorites ] A mentor just let us know his cancer is back and has metastasized. He went through hell when it was first diagnosed a few years ago. His kids are in high school. I’m just a third party and have no right to grief, but where’s the wall I can punch? posted by basalganglia at 12:31 If you feel grief, you have a right to grief, as long as you follow the ring theory . posted by wellred at 12:34 is this where we can tell Howard Schultz to fuck off, then? Because I need to tell Howard Schultz to fuck off. posted by Justinian at 12:50 PM on January 29 [ 8 favorites ] I still have a broken tibial plateau. The surgery went very well, but it will be 7 weeks until that leg can bear weight. Then PT can start . Fucking icy sidewalks. posted by hwyengr at 12:53 PM on January 29 [ 1 favorite ] If you’ll pardon the intrusion of some good news into the thread, the direly sick foster cat from the previous fucking fuck thread pulled through and will hopefully find a forever home via the SPCA. On the other hand, my basement flooded this morning. Again. But I caught it early and it’ll probably only be a few hundred dollars of repairs which I’m lucky enough to be able to soak, as it were. posted by Candleman at 12:56 PM on January 29 [ 9 favorites ] I’m going to have to move by the end of March because my landlord is selling my house. I’m going to end up paying more in rent and I’ll almost certainly have a shittier yard (the place I live now is kind of a miracle). And I HATE moving S much. Fucking Fuck. posted by Weeping_angel at 1:03 Fucking fuck. As a lot of yall know I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of Stage IV kidney cancer since mid-2017. They yanked out my left kidney and a football-sized tumor, but I still have mets in my lungs and my left shoulder. Well, the Votrient (daily pill chemo) I took for the past year stopped being effective, so they’ve switched me to once-a-month IV immunotherapy and bone strengthening stuff. One hour of treatment, then I’ve got about eight hours of “being OK”, then I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck for a couple of days and am very weak (body thinks it has the world’s worst flu, without actually having the flu). Well, apparently other side effects can happen up to TWO OR THREE MONTHS after a treatment from the immunotherapy – making my immune system go nuts against itself. The past three weeks have been a blur of sick leave and just trying not to die.. My entire upper torso (minus face, neck, etc) is now dealing with what is called “Chemo Rash” and thankfully its not flaring up and hurting, it just looks really bad. As part of those three past weeks in addition to the chemo side effects, the doc had put me on Lexapro to deal with my severe depression (you know, the kind you get when you know that you’re eventually going to die sooner than later). It worked great for the depression, but also COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY turned off my appetite. I’m a big guy. I like food. I had zero appetite or interest in food at all. At one point a couple of weeks ago I didn’t eat for five days. (tried to stay hydrated tho). Fortunately we’ve gotten me off of that and onto Prozac, which I’ve taken before and it’s not causing any of the problems the Lexapro was. So, now I’ve got more lost weight (I’m down about 200 lbs from a couple of years ago) in addition to loose wrinkly skin everywhere that’s also dealing with a rash on top of a lot of it. Until I got put on 60mg/day of Prednisone last week, I could barely walk due to leg cramps and pain and weakness. Simply getting from bed to the bathroom was agony – and then I get an email from work’s HR being picky about my PTO use… It’s January 29th, and I have less than five days of PTO / vacation time left for the entire YEAR – and those will quickly be used up two days at a time, once a month, for my ongoing treatments. So I’ll eventually have to take two days a month off without pay, so I can go home and feel like shit and wait to eventually die. My house has no central heat – the furnace has been broken for a couple of years. I have to use a tiny space heater next to the bed to stay warm when it gets cold here in Houston. In addition to all the crap I’ve gone through for the past month-ish, I’ve been too sick to write back to a neat penpal I made through MeFi and that bums me out. I’d bought myself a new TV (yay Samsung 50″ 4K) a couple of days after Christmas – things have been so hectic and screwed up (there’s been days where I didn’t leave my bedroom/bath area of the house for 2-3 days) that I didn’t get to set up and power up the new TV for the first time until TWO DAYS AGO. And now tonight it’s too cold to sit in that part of the house and watch TV. A minor anti-fuck: the president of my HOA/neighborhood association took it upon herself to secrely rally a bunch of my neighbors to not only take my trash cans to and from the street for me every week – someone volunteered to make/freeze/bring-over dinner for me, for every night I’m unable to deal with stuff due to the chemo treatments. This past weekend I had to tell them to STOP bringing over food because I was out of room in the fridge/freezer 😀 My evil roommates are out but their room full of junk is still here. It can sit and wait until someone can deal with it. It’s a 3 bedroom house and it’s only me here now. Oh and as a final fucking fuck: I got dumped by my girlfriend (of 5+ months) over the phone the week after Thanksgiving, while at home dealing with chemo effects.. “with your health issues and my crazy work schedule we should go back to being friends…”.. yeah.. the same health issues I’ve had since I met her, and the same schedule we’d been working around.. I know the REAL reason she broke up with me, and it’s not kind or nice, but I understand, and I just wish things had been handled better. This was my first Christmas Eve without any real family (Mom passed back in June). I sat at home and cried and thought about killing myself to get things over with, but finally just went to bed. Life hurts. My soul hurts. But I don’t ever want to be a burden or a problem to my friends or family so I mostly try to power through it and go through all this alone. posted by mrbill at 1:20 PM on January 29 [ 25 favorites ] I don’t really have it that bad on the whole, but I sure would love to experience a day where my knees and back work like they used to. I’m pretty fucking tired of how routine things like sitting in a meeting or going out to get lunch can suddenly become a physical ordeal. posted by ferret branca at 1:24 PM on January 29 [ 1 favorite ] I don’t even like looking at Schultz’s fucking face let alone unmuting the video. posted by Burhanistan at 2:12 1) the world is horrifying but… 2) my personal life is great, EXCEPT… for the near constant level of pain my body seems to have decided is the new normal for us. do not want. anyone know a good skeletal-replacement surgeon? posted by supermedusa at 2:21 My bad neighbors went right ahead and had a baby a year ago. It just never ends with them, but I’ve been exploring some options that might attenuate their behavior over the long haul. terretu: you aren’t alone. If you’re also in that yawning miasma of suburban roots, between “school shooter” and “Stepford Spouse… by choice ,” there’s plenty of reason to consider yourself raised by wolves. For some people The Ice Storm (or The Squid and the Whale ) is pretty close to a documentary. If I misread, well, now you know where my head is at. Or, as John Darnielle put it: My version is, “big smile, short memory.” I forget where I heard it, lo so many years ago. I used to use it as an excuse to smoke more pot than I normally would, but then I found myself having trouble finding a job, or even interviewing, so I keep it a little more at arm’s length now. Now, I’m off to the library before neighborbaby starts screaming. posted by rhizome at 2:36 hugs mrbill posted by supermedusa at 2:40 oh goodness, I need this today. FUCKING STUPID SCHOOL SYSTEM MR. SCIENCE McFUCKSTICK STUPID, EASILY SHEEPLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS WHO DO NOT HAVE AN OUNCE OF EMPATHY IN THEIR BONES and a million more posted by alathia at 2:49 A (now-retired) mentor stopped by today to tell me that he had pancreatic cancer, which is bad. Also bad: his goal to live long enough to vote in the Democratic presidential primaries, so that he can make sure nobody quote “too left” unquote gets in. Which, just. Dude. You made your fortune directly enabling irresponsible, speculative real estate that led directly to the great fucking recession, then retired exactly when the shit hit the fan, so that you could spend that fortune to travel the world on bucket-list trip after another. And now, you’re standing in my office saying that you want to live long enough to make sure Elizabeth Warren or whatever can’t enact meaningful financial regulation of the industries you enabled. Fuck cancer, but also, fuck you. posted by joyceanmachine at 2:52 PM on January 29 [ 11 favorites ] Everyone in the pianoblack household is sick to one extent or another. We are a chorus of coughs, stuffy noses, and the occasional low-grade fever. The owner of the pediatric practice my wife works for is basically tanking the business. In response my wife has been updating her c.v., trying to “network” in her organization, and making phone calls. We’ve had contingency plan discussions. We’ll pull through, it will all work out in the end, but the stresses pile up. I’m not looking forward to being the sole income earner for a few months, since – stop me if you’ve heard this one before – burnout seems to be on the horizon. Note to self: call the damn therapist and schedule an appointment. posted by pianoblack at 2:55 anyone know a good skeletal-replacement surgeon? This knocked the dust off on my brain of a story maybe 10 years ago of someone who got catfished and was told she couldn’t see him because she was in the hospital for a rare full muscle transplant. It may have been Fark. posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:58 Life hurts. My soul hurts. But I don’t ever want to be a burden or a problem to my friends or family so I mostly try to power through it and go through all this alone. Shared pain is lessened. At least that’s the theory. Thank you for telling us, and still being here. posted by pianoblack at 3:02 PM on January 29 [ 10 favorites ] My kid threw a book at my foot and it really hurt. And then he laughed at me for being in pain. Toddlers are jerks sometimes. posted by sciencegeek at 3:02 Life hurts. My soul hurts. But I don’t ever want to be a burden or a problem to my friends or family so I mostly try to power through it and go through all this alone. mrbill, please get one of your friends or family members to bring a goddamned space heater to where the TV is so you can watch it or to move the TV to your bedroom. If that is not possible then MeMail me your address and I will have a space heater delivered, no kidding, you put up with enough without giving up your TV too. I am totally serious about this and I am rooting for you. If you have a choice, please don’t die alone unless you really, really want to. Sending you and all the other people in pain here all the hugs I have. posted by Bella Donna at 3:05 PM on January 29 [ 24 favorites ] Just got back from my first dentist visit in… far too long. I need: 2 extractions 1 implant And I have other issues that we’re not even dealing with yet. The number of 5’s in my pocket measurements was frightening. Goodbye thousands of dollars. posted by greermahoney at 3:05 mrbill, I’ll go halvsies with Bella Donna on that space heater. Srsly. Being cold sucks. posted by greermahoney at 3:10 F CK After over a year of like, actual, no-bottom-line behavior sobriety from my process addiction of choice, a bunch of emotional and relationship stuff reached out and bit me in the last couple of weeks and I may not be making the best choices right now. posted by hanov3r at 3:25 Regarding the space heater etc.. I’m fine on that, y’all. I have a nice recliner in the bedroom where the heater is and I have laptop / tablet / phone / etc for multimedia entertainments AND even *gasp* my always-on Echo Dot for streaming NPR or whatzever. (Although I do have to be careful with the TX weather and not turn on the space heater AND the window AC unit at the same time unless I want to have to run out in the back yard in my underwear at 3am to flip a breaker.. darn 1957 house with one circuit per room, or worse…) And with the weird weather we’re having lately.. 30s tonight, and a high of 74 on Sunday.. I have a folding chair sitting next to the bed. It gets either the Vornado fan or the space heater depending on what weather that night looks like… posted by mrbill at 3:30 i’ve never posted in one of these threads before but what the fuck why not i love to complain. i gotta have surgery on monday for a pretty big uterine fibroid that has been making me miserable for like 2 years (i only recently went to the doc about it and i was all set for them to say “IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD STOP BEING A BABY” but it turns out i actually have a thing so that was sorta vindicating in a way) my choices were hysterectomy or this other thing called UFE where they put some crap in the blood vessels that feed the fibroid so it dies and stops bothering me. i chose this over the hysterectomy because my band is going to Australia to play a really big festival in the beginning of march and i wanted to make sure i was recovered enough, and the recovery time for this UFE thing is way less than a hysterectomy i guess. But what if it doesn’t work? I’m in so much pain like every frickin day. i sort of wish i had opted just to cut out my dang womb to get it over with. and i know i should be totally stoked to play this festival, and go to Australia, and then go on tour opening for jawbreaker who have been one of my favorite bands since i was a teenager, but I CANT EVEN MAKE MYSELF BE EXCITED because i feel too crappy all the time. aaah fuck i hope this works and i can be excited about things again soon also it’s so cold and my electric bill is gonna be a million dollars but if i turn on the space heater it will be two million dollars and i hate postgresql and i’m mad that i am supposed to be some kinda expert in it when i am not but my boss thinks i should be because i am good at sql server. THEY ARE REALLY DIFFERENT THOUGH! AND i cleaned out my fridge BUT IT STILL SMELLS FUCKIN WEIRD and i don’t wanna be a person with a smelly fridge w h in summary, fucking waaaah posted by capnsue at 3:46 PM on January 29 [ 11 favorites ] fuck you building management rep! when you are told “yes i DO mind” it does NOT mean “go ahead and do it” I agreed to show you where the leak was, how DARE you twist what i said! You don’t like it when women assert themselves, hmmm? Martha Stewart doesn’t fucking live here! can someone tell me what the nyc laws are wrt books stacked against walls? posted by brujita at 3:57 That does suck, capnsue, sorry to hear it. greermahoney, I had one 8 pocket and one 9 and lived to tell the tale. It sucks but with good treatment and effort you can be okay. posted by Bella Donna at 3:57 Oh my goodness! Thank you for that info, Bella Donna. *hugs* Yeah, I’m committed to getting this shit fixed and then never letting it get this bad again. posted by greermahoney at 4:01 Now that you bring it up, I’m just getting to the home stretch of my late-model dental work, which unfortunately does not appear to be putting the fear of St. Apollonia into me, so fuck my toothbrushing habits! They suck! posted by rhizome at 4:20 I have been unemployed since mid-December. After paying the rent for February I will be just about at the end of my severance funds. And I was turned down for yet another job today. The worst part is that on the way to that particular interview I slipped on some sidewalk ice and landed directly on my tailbone. So I’ve been mildly injured while also freaked out about paying bills. Fuck you, winter. posted by janepanic at 4:33 I became aware today that the Trumpist Right believes John Brennan–FORMER DIRECTOR OF THE CIA JOHN BRENNAN–is an actual honest to God communist. John Brennan. A communist. Apparently the belief became widespread after THE FUCKING GOVERNOR OF FLORIDA repeated it on the campaign trail. I know the joke is “2019 amirite” but I feel like this one is at least 2021. Fucking goddamn, what the everloving dickcheese is this? posted by duffell at 7:02 Fuck poverty. One of my funding ended which I feel like I can’t be mad at cause it went 2 years longer than it should so now I have to live on 549 a month after rent. Shits hard. And its forcing me to quit crap that wasn’t healthy for me but unhealthy crap was my prime joy and way of coping with disability. I have no cooking skills from a life time of abusive crap and now have to figure out how to feed myself on 140 a month cause the rest goes to bills and debt and other people have it worse but fuuuck it is just a constant state of stress to pay everything. And fuck pain. Every. Single. Day. I’m so exhausted and my nerves won’t stop burning and clothes hurt and my hair hurts and i’m s tired of waking up in pain. Fuck bursting into sobs cause the isolation hurts but people suck with helping. I just want to be in a coma for a few years or forever. Fuck trying to find reasons to keep going. I will but fuck it. And I am really struggling to not just move back in with abusive family cause at least they paid for things or had laundry machines on the same floor or I had a yard so I could have my dog. posted by kanata at 7:09 From the megathread: The Trump Administration Is Trying to Make It Easier for Doctors to Deny Care to LGBTQ People: Health-care providers would be able to refuse to provide treatment, referrals, or assistance with procedures if these activities would violate their stated religious or moral convictions. “The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) announced last week that it is close to finalizing a conscience protection rule that would allow people to discriminate in health-care settings under cover of law.” posted by homunculus at 7:20 PM on 1/29 [+] [!] I guess “I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures that are required” was just a bunch of pleasant-sounding words, then? posted by J.K. Seazer at 7:41 I just had a MeFi comment deleted, and I am *surprisingly* salty about it. For the first time ever (salty, that is). I might empathize with peeps here in MetaTalk a little bit better because of that. So that’s good! posted by clseace at 8:01 (CW for disordered eating) I keep wasting my evenings on my ED, and my gingivitis/teeth sensitivity is getting worse… I don’t have another dentist appointment until mid this year, and I’m just super paranoid about my teeth… just not enough to stop with the ED. Sigh. Also I have vague gender discontent but what can I do about it in this society, blah, I’m also an ambitious money-grubber who doesn’t want to face backlash for standing out, even though the people who would give me problems are assholes who I shouldn’t care about anyways. -.- I’m hoping this year I can feel brave enough to go to Pride without feeling like a massive sham (yay for being asexual and agender and possibly aromantic and wondering if I’m just uncomfortable with existence in general. I have no idea how to explain this to any of my friends, even my savvier LGBT friends. Whatever, I guess) Pride’s several months away, but my ducking out of attending last moment last year still weighs on me now… Fuck people in power and gender and the whole concept of having to be alive to be honest. Yuck. posted by devrim at 8:42 The morning after the night before. Yesterday in parliament, the UK ‘government’ deliberately exacerbated a difficult situation (of its own making), turning it into an impossible situation for the purpose of ultimately blaming the EU for it being impossible. This morning, politicians from the same ‘government’ are on TV, lying continuously (e.g. there’ll be no significant changes to everyday life if there is no deal, we’ll simply move onto WTO rules, unicorns for everyone), and being largely unchecked from inadequate and compliant journalists and interviewers. A few of us who have kept our perspective and sanity, and not lost it to rampant nationalism/racism/xenophobia, are off to the depths of the rural countryside to consider matters, and our collective and individual ways ahead. No wifi or mobile (which is probably a good thing, to avoid the stream of bad news for a short while at least), but there will be good cheese, so there’s that. posted by Wordshore at 1:30 AM on January 30 [ 8 favorites ] I dread Pride all year, devrim. But if you want to attend and you’re not cishet, anyone who says you don’t belong is incorrect. I’ve just got a dumb tiniest-violin thing that’s stressing me out because pet stuff does that. Kitty 2 ( tax ) had to get some dental work done, and since he stayed at the vet all day, Kitty 1’s all like “hissss, interloper, I don’t know yo “. It’s so frustrating, but she doesn’t know better. He smells weird, humans!! He’s clearly a pod cat! And we now know that K2 may have to go through this every year or so, because he’s just prone to tooth decay. Preventative measures incoming. Oh, you infuriating adorable furry bastards. posted by cage and aquarium at 8:17 AM on January 30 [ 2 favorites ] When I got to my Mom’s last night, she had fallen and was too weak to get up. I had to pick her up. She was disoriented and felt hot. I think she has a urinary tract infection which is a big problem for an inactive 88 y.o. person. I slept on the couch last night near her room after looking after her. A doc appointment is scheduled in a little bit. I sure hope that’s “all” it is. But, I know it’s just the next thing that will be followed by another thing and another. She does not want any help. Refuses help. Doesn’t need it. So, the “non-help” (me) is all there is. I work 3 jobs. And, she’s number 4. I don’t resent it, other than it could be so much easier if she’d allow help. I’m so tired. posted by mightshould at 8:27 AM on January 30 [ 2 favorites ] I didn’t post this story in this thread because I live in the Mid-Atlantic and didn’t want to seem to be complaining. I’m wearing winter gear and carrying two bags as I walking down the icy sidewalk. I’m walking to the post office. An UPS truck slows down and the driver pokes his head out and yells “BITCH.” Before I have time to process, he speeds off. I suppose this was directed at me because I’m off work (I work at a school) and the driver has to go on delivering parcels from an open cab in freezing weather. However, I do not owe him the emotional labor of psychologizing why he chooses to emotionally projectile vomit at people he doesn’t know. posted by bad grammar at 10:44 AM on January 30 [ 1 favorite ] I’d only gotten about an hour or two of sleep a night for the past few days due to all the Prenisone I’m on and it was making me cranky and sad (see yesterday’s comment).. I got about 10 hours of sleep last night and today I feel WONDERFUL.. just in time for another chemo treatment. *shrug* hehe. Thanks for the kind words and comments and MeMails. posted by mrbill at 10:46 AM on January 30 It’s really, really, really cold (3 degrees, three) where I am. I had to evacuate my apartment a week ago really quickly and I left with an odd assortment of clothes, left behind some key things, and will be displaced for at least three more weeks. I hate this and I just want to go home. When I get there, I will have to say goodbye to the apartment I’ve lived in for four years and find a new home. Rents have skyrocketed since I moved in, and I’ll be paying about 25% more than I pay now for an abjectly worse place. And I have a good job, am frugal, and don’t feel like I want much. But “not much” is apparently quite a lot. The worst part is that my cat died last year and ever since, I had planned to get a dog… during the very week I had to evacuate. I haven’t found any rentals in my area that allow dogs yet, so that will probably have to be put on hold. It’s a really big bummer. posted by sockermom at 10:55 AM on January 30 « Older MetaFilterMusic: new challenges! | There is no coin cabal Newer » You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments Tags